Fatherhood Takes a Lot, So I Wonder: Do I Have What It Takes?

Op Ed By Haney Hong

Published June 12, 2019 on LinkedIn

This Father’s Day, I’m filled with gratitude.  My dad made it. He staked a claim on the American Dream.  

He came to the USA with the wave of South Koreans in the late 70s looking for a better life.  And though he didn’t speak any English, he somehow landed a job with Rockwell on the Space Shuttle program—the Space Shuttle program!  He’s literally a rocket scientist. Bought a home, raised a family, had a notable career, retired with financial security. He’s exactly why people want to come here.  

On this Father’s Day, I have to recognize that I’m so lucky to have had him as my father.  I am the beneficiary of his American Dream. He raised me to work hard. He taught me to love this country.  But getting down to brass tacks, he also put a roof over my head. And he put food on the table every day. I remember some tough times, and to this day, I think my wife thinks it’s funny that I occasionally want to wash and save Ziploc bags.

And facing my own prospect of becoming a father, why am I wondering if I’ll be able to do the same for my future children?  I should be fine. No, I should be great. Because my dad worked so hard, I had the opportunity to become a commissioned officer in the Navy, graduate from both Stanford and Harvard with a ROTC scholarship and the post-9/11 GI Bill, and lead a local civic institution in San Diego.  My dad raised me starting with only a few bucks; I’m way ahead comparatively and should be able to raise a basketball team!

Houston, we’ve got a problem.  

I swore an oath to protect the Constitution against all enemies, foreign and domestic.  I know from the professionalism I see regularly with my Navy and uniformed colleagues that we can handle the foreign enemies, even if it might be tough.  I’m not so sure we can handle the domestic enemies.

On the home front, some of our greatest challenges stem from who we put into elective office and who we trust to protect our individual pursuits of happiness.  My dad’s ability to stake his claim on the American Dream was directly affected by the policies made by elective leaders in that time. But when he was trying to buy a home, raise a family, have a notable career, and retire with financial security, how could he dedicate the time to tell his representatives what my family needed?  How do we know our elective leaders are hearing the challenges of people like my father?

Because of his sacrifice, I actually have the ability to tell my representatives what I think is important.  And so do many of the people I work with. But we do so at local clubs, dinners out to eat, and gala events that my dad was never able to attend because he was too busy.  

So when I’m at one of these clubs, or galas, or dinners talking with elective leaders, I need to bring my father along—at least in spirit.  

The domestic enemy lurching in our midst is that, for those of us who have the opportunity to take American Dreams like my father’s and make ours bigger when we potentially bring children into this world, is that we think our lives “should” be better.  We each have our unrelenting pursuits of happiness and forget about my dad’s pursuit that might have had some sacrifice along the way.

This unrelenting pursuit of happiness gets in the ways of others, and I think my dad knew that when he was trying to make it.  I remember a time when I was with him and one of my aunts. He gave her money—and not a small amount. As a kid, I was a little surprised because I knew that a gesture like that didn’t come without some amount of sacrifice for my immediate family.  But my aunt and father looked at me and said that this is what families do. We help each other out.

Right now, our American family needs help.  We’re in another presidential election cycle, and we have lots of choices before us.

But, this Father’s Day, I won’t be thinking about politics.  I’ll be thinking about my dad’s example and the important life lessons he taught me – including lessons about priorities.  For those of us who have the opportunity to bring children into the world -- because we are not worrying about putting food on the table or having a roof over our heads – let’s not let our ambition get in the way of living a full and happy life.